Kevin Kelly’s Three Gates
Kevin Kelly is the man.
A writer, artist, technologist, and all-around mensch. He would probably hate this allusion, but he’s the real-life version of Dos X’s “Most Interesting Man in the World” campaign.
He is most famous for developing one of the foundational ideas of the Internet era: 1,000 True Fans. If you want to understand the origin of many of the current ideas about content creation and the “Creator Economy,” this is the seed. I encourage you to read up on him and check out his website.
In commemoration for his 70th birthday, he published a post titled 103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known. I must have gone for seconds, thirds, and fourths reading this post. It became part of my morning routine along with my 1,000 sit ups, a 2 hour meditation, 10 Morning Pages, and a daily briefing with world leaders (I may be exaggerating a bit).
I highly suggest you read the entire piece–and go back to it like an open bar at a wedding. There was one lesson that kept giving me pause, day after day, and is worth breaking down. In his words:
A wise man said, “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”
In the age where everyone has to have an opinion, we tweet for followers like street performers, and silence equals boring, this nugget of wisdom was a salvo against all of that.
If temperance was praised as much as abundance, our discourse would be less toxic. Kevin invites us to fill that space between the stimulus and the reaction with a pretty helpful mental model. Let’s take a look at each gate:
“Is it true?”
A simple question that when confronted honestly, can help explore the origin of your thoughts and opinions. Have you assessed the veracity of what you are putting out into the world? Or are you innocently partaking in a game of broken telephone, or worse, a collective delusion?
Sometimes this evaluation will take a fraction of a second, particularly when you are talking about a lived experience. But this gate is helpful especially when you are discussing complex issues like religion or politics.
“Is it necessary?”
Suppose you clear the Truth Gate. Do you really need to say what you are about to say? “Need” is as subjective as my declaration that Face Off is both Nicolas Cage and John Travolta’s best film, but I digress. What are you bringing to the discourse, and are you bringing it for yourself or someone else? Whether it be tweeting or in conversation, it’s always good to check whether what you are saying is serving you or the person(s) you are engaging.
An example of “bringing it for yourself” is making a snarky comment that makes you look clever, yet may actually harm someone. It wasn’t necessary, but you did it for the ego.
If I had a penny for every time I have done this in my life, I would be able to give the world very fashionable penny loafers. But I'd rather be penniless if it makes me more conscious of whether what I’m about to say positively contributes to the conversation. Mind you, positive does not mean non-confrontational. Hard conversations or saying uncomfortable things can be positive, provided they advance the relationship.
“Is it kind?”
The last gate. At this point, I want you to imagine yourself glancing upwards at a huge onyx steel gate lined by a dark marble trim. A gate so big Goliath could walk past it arms outstretched.
This is the gate we need to face more in our personal interactions, particularly in social media. Don’t mistake kindness for timidness, tepidness, or superficial pleasantries. Kindness can look like radical candor, thought provoking questions, uneasy statements. The cardinal rule is that it must come from a place of love. It’s selfless. It is service driven, not ego driven.
This is so hard to consciously do, believe me. That’s why this gate feels as big as the doors to Heaven. Yet, I am convinced honoring this gate is the key to being a great leader, and the type of human that not only earns 1,000 true fans, but cultivates 12 people that love you (another of Kevin’s nuggets of wisdom).
Pass through these three gates as often as you can. Could there be downsides to these gates, like over-censuring your thoughts? Sure. But you are an adult, I’ll let you figure out what your specific trade offs are.
I’ll fail passing these gates from time to time. You will as well. Incorporating Kevin’s three gates is not about being perfect, but just being a bit better everyday. It’s about not taking shortcuts, even when the path may be pathless.
It’s about being truthful, intentional, and kind.
